Faces

I am a better person now than I was two hours ago.

Let me explain why.

I don't remember if I said this in an earlier blog or not, or if I just vented to one of my friends about it one time, but I am realizing a trend in my life lately: I am sooo very busy at school, which is a good thing mostly; I enjoy being involved. But I usually start the week out strong and as the tasks and to-do's pile up as the week wears on, I start getting pretty week by the time it all comes to a close, and then just recharge on the weekends. Well, today was my day where things finally started falling apart under all of the stress. I was kinda bitter, and struggling a lot (I haven't read or prayed in a while...). I was headed for a melt-down.

Until God stepped in.

I got an e-mail reply from Shaun today. Shaun is the director of the Regional Inter-Faith Association (RIFA) in Jackson. I had visited with him some about volunteering, and earlier this week I e-mailed him asking if I could help out this Thursday night. And today I got the "go ahead." But by the time rolled around to actually go, I had a lot of temptation to just be complacent and not do anything at all. But I knew that it was going to be something that would knock me out of my comfort zone and back into a stronger relationship with Christ, so I got in my car at 4:45 and headed to RIFA.

I walked in, not knowing what to expect, and found a kitchen bustling with volunteers from other churches. And they were all such awesome people. Lindsey was an episcopalian who was going to the peace corp next year; Jan was the head of the team, a methodist, who really felt called to this work and had been doing it for nearly four years; the rest of the men and women there were from First Baptist. They were all really nice, and put me to work getting the food and drinks ready as soon as I got there.

Within five minutes of opening the doors, the little warehouse-dining room was full of homeless people from the community. I was expecting we'd serve them in line like a cafeteria, but we got to do something much, much better. We had them all be seated, Greg led a prayer, and then we got the food and drink and dessert and took it to them to their tables. It was a really cool way to serve so many people. And I didn't know what to expect; it was obvious that the majority of them were on drugs, but for some reason I felt very comfortable and natural with them. So I started asking how they were doing, said, "God bless" as they left, and thought that that was that.

Until William walked in.

I'm a photographer, if you didn't know. And one day, last year, I was in East Jackson ("bad" Jackson) shooting some pictures of houses, when I met a homeless man sitting on the front stoop of one of the houses, reading his Bible. I stopped and talked to him for about thirty minutes or so, we got to be good acquaintances, and I took his picture and told him I was a photographer. He thanked me for the conversation, and we parted ways eventually. But I never forgot the face of the homeless man reading the book of hope that day: William.

And so here is this man who comes in to the drink line, and it was dimly lit, so at first I wasn't sure, but eventually I knew it had to be him. So I just exclaimed: "William!" He looked up kind of confused (Lindsey and Jan stopped filling cups for a second with looks of "you know this guy?" on their faces). He said, "How do you know my name?" I said, "William, it's me, Russell. I took your picture last year in East Jackson." He smiled real big, "Oh yeah! Wow... You remembered me?" I laughed and said, "William, how could I forget you, man?" He smiled even bigger and said, "How are your pictures of homeless people coming?" I told him that I was getting published this November. He congratulated me, we small talked a little more, and then he had to go sit down because a lot more people were coming in behind him.

After that, I really started talking to people. I started sitting at their tables after I'd passed them some food. I met a lot of kind faces tonight; more faces that I don't think I will forget. Faces that I thought I was blessing by my service to them, but they were the ones really blessing me. Faces like that of Immanuel's. He was very skiddish, scarfing his food down and rarely making eye contact with me. I finally said, "Immanuel... That's a good name. It was Jesus' name, you know?" He said, "Oh yes, I know!" And I said, "Right.. It means, 'God with us.'" He just kept eating in silence for a while, but eventually sat up and asked, "How long have you been volunteering?" I said, "This is my first night actually." Then he finally looked me in the eye and said, "God is going to bless you greatly for doing this."

Yeah, I don't think I'll forget Immanuel's face any time soon.

Or Phil's face. Phil used to be in contracting. He lost his leg at some point, and was bound to a wheel chair now. We talked a lot about construction work; I shared some of my construction experiences from interning in Honduras this past summer. We laughed a lot, remembered good times where we worked hard all day and came home to a good supper and slept great at night. I probably talked to Phil for a good twenty minutes.

I don't think I will forget Phil's face either.

Or Andy's. Or David's. Or the other David's, haha. Or Damien's. I won't soon forget any of them. And I won't soon forget William, as he was leaving, saying to me, "It's good to see you again. I'm glad you remembered me. I hope that I'll be seeing you here more often." And then he paused and said, "Well, hopefully not too often... I'm trying to get off of these streets, man. I'm tired of this..." I patted him on the back and said, "Trust in God, follow after Him; He can get you out of it if you really want to." He looked me in the eye and said, "Those are real encouraging words, man. I won't forget those..."

And I won't forget tonight. I won't forget what it felt like to serve people like I imagined Jesus would have; I won't forget what it felt like to spread Christ's love; I won't forget what it felt like to connect with people... I won't forget their faces.

Oh, and... I'm not so bitter or worn out, emotionally or spiritually, anymore. Amazing how God can help me overcome my stubborness or sin or stress just by filling me with love in order to hand it back out to other people...

Maybe that's because THAT is what it's really all about.